you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
