What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
im six kinds of drunk right now
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
