Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
