I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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