You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
this will be a night to untag.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He? As in you personified your dick?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
