We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
