just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
