god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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