You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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