I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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