you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
