Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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