did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just found puke in my bra..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
