Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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