my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
