I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
