I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Holy sore nipples Batman
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
