wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
