i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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