Welp...herpes.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
