batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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