So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
