Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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