there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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