Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
