Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I still have a little drunk in my system
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
