She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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