First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
