He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
