last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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