HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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