And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
