please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You took a bar mat shot.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
