Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
