Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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