just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
