Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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