Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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