NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
a search helicopter?!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
