Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
