I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
