i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
