Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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