Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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