Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
