omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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