she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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