There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
