the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
