Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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