I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
