I'm going to rape someone's good day.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
