Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
