white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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