once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just want nice things and good sex
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
