I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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