I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
whose parrot is this?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
