i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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