You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Operation Purity has been aborted
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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