i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
