At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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