Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
