I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
