I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
