You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Someone signed my nipple.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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