you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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