His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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