Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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