Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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