you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
