DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
