I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
