I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
