ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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