I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
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Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
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Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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