who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
