just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You are a genius and a whore.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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