My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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