he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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