im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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