She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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